patriotic oomph
July 4th is a confusing day for me.
After all, I spent my first two decades in Indonesia, travel on an American passport, and now am stretching taproots down into Dutch soil. Having multiple cultural loyalties enriches my life, but it also dilutes my sense of belonging and pride tied to any one place. Patriotism is a glut of identity hang-ups for me.
It all started out okay — Mum homeschooled us for some years, and we would begin the day in our slanted plywood schoolhouse with eyes fixed on the tiny stars-and-stripes flag taped to the whiteboard, clapping our small hands to our chests and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance with oomph.
I’m not sure when the oomph started seeping away; I don’t usually care that it’s gone. But at a party the other night I found myself strangely disturbed as a well-watered, overeager Dutchman regaled us with endless anecdotes from his road trip through the state I tell people I’m from. I didn’t know any of the hole-in-the-wall cafes, bars, secret beaches, and neighborhoods where he had been, and each story began to feel like a splinter of shrapnel aimed at the small bit of ownership I still feel for California. I left the party rudely and abruptly, and when I got home an ugly sobfest overtook me before I could even unlace my shoes.
I guess there still is a bit of oomph left in me yet? No fireworks, just a single sparkler’s worth.
With a kindly nod to the original discoverers — who may have trekked over on a land bridge from Asia — we’ll note that all of us are immigrants here. In a nation that is much less ‘melting pot’ and much more ‘tossed salad’ this state is easily the most diverse (and thus also the most interesting). Please do stake a claim here, with or without documents. The welcome sign may be garish and neon but it is also solar- and wind-powered; thus renewable and enduring. May this (please) be one of your heart’s true homes — now and always.
The sparkler burns unexpectedly bright now and then, I’m definitely planning to stick around.
If you tip our fair state over on its side, then lay it out like a land bridge (yet another reference to land bridges??) you could span the distance from London to Prague, with bridge to spare. And that’s just using the typically known dimension (800 mi) while in fact the greatest N to S distance in the state is 1,040 miles. Which is a long way to say — kudos to your well-watered friend for finding out-of-the-way places, but with this much geography to choose from, who couldn’t? So just nod knowingly and maybe brew him a nice stout coffee for later…
Aww, I suggest you seek out some fireworks, hot dogs and John Phillip Sousa music (or Beach Boys, for a little more geographic specificity). Happy 4th! Ken
Duly noted, Ken, thanks! :)
I totally get this post! Isn’t it weird how we get all like “that’s my place” when really we’ve spent so little time there? It’s like I can talk about my siblings but don’t you dare!
Marilyn, that is EXACTLY it…the surprising touchiness of ownership underneath it all. :)
Most days I feel that I’ve made my peace with America, but the 4th of July is always weird for me. You would think I’d have gotten over it after marrying military and not having been out of the States for almost 5 years now (crazy…). I guess what I’m trying to say is think it’s okay to have mixed feelings. We may be 80 and still having mixed feelings.
I think I’m okay with having mixed feelings, but it frustrates me that I don’t seem to have control over when they take a swing at me. One minute my heart swells with pride at the beauty of the Californian hills as I fly into San Francisco, the other minute I’m deeply disturbed that the customs officer smiles and says “Welcome home, young lady.” Ay ay ay.
Throughout all ages, You Oh LORD have been our home.
(from the psalms)
That comforts me when I’m feeling that elusiveness of the where’s home issue
I love this post! Yes yes yes!
This broad abroad totally understands how you feel. Great post, and I’m looking forward to spending more time perusing your blog!
I’m glad to hear it…us broads abroad need to stick together! (: